


feeling so high, but too far away to hold me

by cutebutpsyco



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2019 Fills [4]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain Marvel Spoilers, F/M, M/M, Multi, Not Beta Read, TonyStark Bingo 2019, short and sweet, waking up together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 17:25:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18077756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutebutpsyco/pseuds/cutebutpsyco
Summary: TONY STARK BINGO. FILL T1: NATASHA ROMANOFF/BLACK WIDOW ||When Tony came back from space, though, he saw it. He saw how Nat was barely keeping it together, and he helped her. They shared a lot, both of them wanting to keep their downfalls secret, they got to know each other more, something that never happened, not for real, before.CONTAINS MINOR CAPTAIN MARVEL POST-CREDIT SCENE SPOILERS!





	feeling so high, but too far away to hold me

**Author's Note:**

> This won't be my only ironwidowstrange fic, but consider this as a prequel fic for the following and/or a journey in the depths of Nat's mind. I really, really, really love her. She's my MCU favourite female character, and I've shipped Ironwidow since Iron Man 2. I also think she and Stephen can go perfectly along together, and I don't know what to say, just, please, jump on board of this OT3? 
> 
> And yes, I'm aware of the fact that you all realized yet that I'm deep in love with her, but still, pretend it's the first time I say this. (I've something like a billion of headcanons for her).
> 
> Nothing belongs to me, title from Without Me by Halsey. Not beta-d

She knew it; she had been known it since the first moment, and now there was something that she didn’t feel in a lot of time warming her chest while she let her eyes ran to the men by her sides. She tried to push it away for her entire life, since she was just a girl, and she pretended she was feeling well, she pretended everything was fine, that she was good. 

And then Thanos snapped his fingers and it wasn’t fine anymore. She was crushed under roots which kept her against the ground, forbidding her to move and try to fight, and half of the universe was gone. She tried to go on, she focused on everything. Nick was gone, but he sent a message to someone and that was their hope, that's what she kept saying to herself while watching at the missings count keep growing, and growing. 

Bruce was useful, he could keep things going, Rhodey and Steve were soldiers, people trusted them, and then there was her. For once in her life, Natasha wasn’t three steps ahead of everyone else, and she didn’t know what to do. And she felt again like the young girl in the Red Room. But she needed to be strong, she needed to pretend. And the only thing she could do was trying, until the point in which tears and blood were the same and started to flow the same, and her hands were hurting from holding a gun or her own legs, hating how they shook when the breakdown came. 

She found herself walking in front of Fury’s pages, and when Rhodey walked into the screens room of the Compound telling them it went off, her only purpose did the same. She pretended to be strong; she pretended to have everything under control because that was what her teammates needed, but she wasn’t, she couldn’t. And when Carol Danvers appeared in front of her, she had to swallow pain and memories, and hopes, and just pretend to be okay. She couldn’t bring other problems when the world was crashing down. 

When Tony came back from space, though, he saw it. He saw how Nat was barely keeping it together, and he helped her. They shared a lot, both of them wanting to keep their downfalls secret, they got to know each other more, something that never happened, not for real, before. 

And then Strange happened. Natasha wasn’t blind, and she was trained to notice things in people surrounding her. She had noticed it even before she met the Sorcerer. The way Tony spoke about the man who gave up half of the universe for him — and yes, they both knew it was because he had to be the one to use the Gauntlet, but it didn’t change the fact that the man did it to save Stark’s life — was enough for everyone to understand that there was something deeper. 

But what Nat didn’t expect for was to fall for the man herself, despite everything. Neither of them was good, in all the feelings thing, but it wasn’t needed. They didn’t need words, and Tony was the only one who said those words. They knew it. 

And now the Black Widow was trying not to get used to that. Because she knew that anything could last forever and if she voiced her feelings it was a good way to see the best thing that ever happened to her in the past ten years or so starting to break. As it happened the first time, she kissed Tony as Natalie Rushman, as it happened with Bruce. She couldn’t get attached to people, because when it happened, then she lost them. And she wasn’t ready to lose Tony and Stephen. 

“Your thoughts are so loud, and I’m not even the one who can hear them,” Tony muttered, turning toward the blonde woman and opening his eyes. 

And, against her own will, Nat felt her lips turn into a smile. “It’s just, I’m lucky to have you both.”

“We love you, too,” Tony whispered, and as to prove a point, Stephen wrapped his arm around Nat’s waist, dragging her closer to his body. Maybe Stark was the only one who said the words, but not even for a moment he doubted that his partners meant them too.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are the air I breathe and the reason why I write, so make ur girl happy. 
> 
> **wanna say 'hi'? do you have a prompt for me?** find me on [tumblr](https://ironstrange-is-the-endgame.tumblr.com/).  
> find my entire bingo card on [dreamwidth](https://myrcellabaratheon.dreamwidth.org/3109.html) and [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/posts/481274).


End file.
